I have always told you some version of the truth. -from the film Something’s Gotta Give
Decades ago I had a feminist friend who lectured me on the sexism of the English language, especially within the King James Bible. She argued that all scriptures saying “man” or “men” should be changed to “people or “men and women.”
So, for example, Paul’s statement “If any man be in Christ, He is a new creation” would be revised to, “If any person is in Christ, she or he is a new creation.”
Then she winked and added, “The only verse I’d leave unchanged is Psalm 116:11.”
I looked it up. It says, “All men are liars.”
Any Honest Men Out There?
She was joking, but that doesn’t mean she was wrong. Lying is so deeply ingrained, from so early in life, that I’ve come to believe that, as sins go, it’s one of the toughest to shed.
Especially if you’re a husband. Too many of us, I believe, are prone to lie to our wives, usually over minor things, but never with good reason.
Sometimes we just want to keep peace, and since a minor inconvenient truth (I didn’t take the trash out when she asked me to; I never got that IRS bill paid) can be a peace-killer, we lie.
Other times it’s face-saving we’re after, that age-old male desire for respect overriding our convictions about honesty. We don’t want to look bad; we hate losing a skirmish in the ancient Who’s a Better Spouse? battle. I want to be today’s winner, even if it requires a minor fib or two, so an inaccurate “Yeah I took the trash out” feels justified, an insignificant sin committed for the larger good.
Or we’re mad about something, but don’t feel up to the challenge of hashing it out, so we pretend, diving into the newspaper, tv, or computer instead.
Then again, sometimes we just don’t want our wives to worry, which is why, to my thinking, we’re so prone to say we’re fine when we’re anything but, or that nothing’s wrong, when really something fairly serious is amiss, but we’re hoping to spare her the knowledge, and thereby the stress, of the problem.
“It’s Only a Lie if you Wanna Get Technical”
The lies husbands tell tend to be, as the movie line quoted above said, convenient versions of the truth. So when she asks, “Did you pay that bill?”, his dishonest “Yes” is his revised version of “yes.” Which doesn’t mean “yes.” It means, “I will pay it soon now that you’ve reminded me.” Which is a version of “yes.”
To the objective viewer that’s a convoluted lie. To a husband, it’s a version of the truth. We clutch the difference closely.
Well, maybe not all of us. And none of us should, as there’s no justification for lying unless you’re Rahab protecting some Israeli spies. Otherwise, these convenient evasions indicate sinful tendencies to be turned from, not ignored.
Because in the end, the wives Renee and I have worked with in our ministry say the deepest wounds they experience come not from a husband’s errors, but from his dishonesty about those errors.
So if a man wants to truly love his wife as Christ loved the church, he’ll do well to remember the very idea of Jesus lying to His bride – about anything, big or small – is unthinkable. He tells His church what’s true, hurtful or not, pleasant
or uncomfortable.
A version of the truth is really an aversion to the truth. So a little domestic discomfort for the sake of honesty may be called for. Will she get mad if I’m honest? Count on it. Will I be ok with that? Never. Will the truth hurt us in the
long run?
Only to a point. And not to the point of permanent damage. Unions are, I believe, more often destroyed by the truth withheld than by the truth spoken.
Consider the Source
Besides which, Jesus referred to Satan as the Father of Lies. (John 8:44) I’d hate to think I was nurturing one of that guy’s kids, much less passing it on to my Bride.
So if I hate the Father of Lies, I must hate his children, too – those lies he fathered and hopes I’ll adopt.
May there never be room in our homes for such unwanted, unwarranted, and unredeemable guests.
